Thanksgiving

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because we are eight years old
We are hitting each other
on the road to Fort Stockton
- an hour into the all day drive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I open the map
it rips, loudly
and he gasps, loudly
like his mother.

I am cackling, but
he doesn't like to be hilarious.
He reaches out to tickle me, but
it is more of a clawing rib separator.

It hurts, and so
I punch him in the arm.
He punches back, hard.
I punch him twice.

There is a loud protesting truce.
"You hit me!" I say.
"You hit me twice!"he says.
I explain my math.

I hit you twice because you
hit much harder than I do.
He tells me "You hit a lot
harder than you think."

Later, I'll offer to strangle him
with my peace necklace.

My Finished and Almost Finished Scarves

I buy my sweaters at a local charity shop and then wash them on hot a couple of times. This felts the wool. Read: shrinks it all to hell. Seriously, some won't even fit a toddler afterward! :-/ Then the wool can be cut without unraveling.

This is the first one I made. It features Eileen's ClassicWonkyHandstitching throughout. Some of that was done at the Women's Retreat, so those parts are EXTRA wonky. :-)

In case you missed the twitpic, this scarf starred in....

"Hi-yah! Beware the elusive yet dangerously hilarious and smartassical ScarfNinja! :-D"

I had to cut the first three scarves with the ill-suited black handled scissors in the photo. I pretty much eye-balled it, so these scarves are extra "charming". :-) After some whining on Facebook, my friend from church graciously loaned me her rotary cutter and mat. :-) I also managed to get my recalcitrant sewing machine to work, so that made the sewing go MUCH faster! Yay! Now there's only a little handstitching on each one.

By the way, I used two skirts to make these twins.

I made this scarf for my church's fall auction. There was a bidding war. Yay! :-)

Almost done with a little final handstitching on this one.

Cut out and ready to sew. Unless I change my mind again. Again.

And oh, by the way, I'm not a formatting idiot, it's Blogspot. No, really! ;-) Anyway, I tried. :-)

Because I Can't Leave Bad Enough Alone -OR- Sparkling Coffee

At some point I had wondered about coffee + sparkling water, but like many things that occur to me, I never bothered to try it because I figured it would turn out poorly and also because I probably got distracted immediately after thinking it. A few weeks ago someone mentioned he'd tried coffee with seltzer and it was gross. Which brought it back to mind. So tonight, something --apparently a desire for yet one more sleepless night-- possessed me to try it out. For some reason, I had Pellegrino cold in the fridge, (although it was getting a little flat), so I poured some into a glass and added some Monin caramel syrup. Once I got that ratio right by tasting, I added some cold coffee. Mmmm. Drinkable!

A few minutes later, the kids and I headed out for a walk in the cool (for September in Texas) just before dusk, wet, soft breeze. We ran into my son's best friend who joined us on our walk which turned into the 7 year old boys and my 3 year old girl lining up at the start of each driveway, waiting for my signal and then racing to the start of the next driveway. I made this game up  1. To prevent them from getting smooshed   2. To trick them into listening to me/work on their following directions and   3. Hopefully wear them the hell out.

UP and DOWN the street, UP and DOWN the street. The friend's little sister on her pink almost-a-big-wheel deathcycle joined us partway through. She likes to brake after the last possible moment and and a few inches past where you are standing. After she has just driven through you. Well, the boys. I was smart enough to stay out of her path of destruction!

Then finally we came back inside and out the back door for watermelon slices on the patio. Mostly because I like to clean up messes after a long drawn out snack time. ;-) But it was gorgeous out and little monkeys need to get all sticky, so fine. They *finally* finished and I threw them upstairs and into the shower and...I was alone in the kitchen. My thoughts again turned to coffee. Perhaps a fear that I still might manage to somehow sleep and have a productive Tuesday coupled with knowing that the caramel syrup was cheating, since my friend would *never* sweeten his coffee...I opted for another creation...taking advantage of the fine print governing this drinkmaking. Although sweetening is a no-no, surely the addition of alcohol is *always* favorable. Surely if said alchohol happens to be a LITTLE sweet, that can be overlooked.

So, more Pellegrino, not quite the rest of the pot of coffee and the end of the creme de cacao bottle...which was mostly empty. No, really! Let's see, a little experimentiation in the kitchen....counts as science somewhere, right? Plus a little cleaning out of the liquor shelf of the pantry...Look, I decluttered! I organized! Oh, and a fairly tasty drink. ;-) And hopefully I'll be just wired enough to finish this volunteer thing I've been putting off and still manage to sleep some.

Note: Yeah, that was wishful thinking. It's almost 1 a.m. and I still haven't sent that e-mail. Oh well, tomorrow it is! I'll just make *extra* coffee. :-D

South to the Cottage

South to the Cottage

Only sounds like vacation

Sunbathe on the deck

Lie in bed all day

No one sends post cards

Wish you were still here



Whenever my Facebook status is "Eileen is headed to the cottage", my friends leave comments along the lines of "Have fun!" and "Enjoy your vacation!" Which I find funny in a not funny way. The Cottage provides hospice and respite care to residents with HIV. I volunteer there whenever they have a project. I've also been known to create my own projects. So, while we sometimes have fun, and I unequivovally want to be there, one would never confuse it for a second with vacation.

So anyway, my brain mulled the comments over for a while and came up with the above lines in early March. Oh, I was also on a haiku kick for quite a while which devolved into messing around with particular syllable counts and sometimes somewhat stand alone phrases for each line.

Dragonfly

There is a swarm of dragonflies
darting across our backyard
and the neighbor's.

The swarm is entertaining, but I am
watching one. Rather, I am trying to
watch one, but it keeps disappearing.

Here then gone. Here then gone.
Hiding. No, that's not it. It is
merely in and out of my sight.

The dragonfly -oblivious to me -is going
about its business, darting where it may.
There just happens to be a fence.

I am irrelevant.
This is not hide and seek.
It's not like we're friends.

Making Mario Mushrooms or I Remember When This Seemed Like a Good Idea...

A while back someone mentioned making Mario mushrooms. So, I, of course...

1. "Huh?"
2. Googled
3. "OMG, they're adorable!"

I should really stop googling. Or learn some restraint. (I'm not posting the original photo because of copyright. Read: "Mine will look even more pathetic in comparison!")

So, three grocery stores and a few days later, I brought home the least sketchy bunch of the lot. This is the "Before" twitpic. I included the five intact fingers as a joke.

These radishes wanted to be mice. Note their shape and built-in tails. Too bad, little radishes. I have other plans for you Mwahahaha!!!! I removed the turning-slimy greens and stuck the poor little things in the fridge to begin their long, cold, neglected death. My husband put them in water after a few days. Several days later, with a blueberry pie inexplicably in the oven, and the kitchen mostly cleaned up again again, I thought of the poor drowned radishes and thought why not half-ass one more project tonight?

So, the not quite right shape, shriveling, turning clear radishes came out of the fridge and a not-quite-right-for-the-job paring knife came out of the knife block. Btw, you should be as distracted as possible when you do this. If you don't have small children to aid in the task, perhaps you have a pet that can climb all over you and preferably bite you at inconvenient moments. In between checking the pie 54 times, negotiating and doling out bedtime snacks and 23 other even less exciting things, I whittled away at the radishes. And, lo and behold...a fairy ring appeared!

I like crafty little projects. Especially with food. Especiallier when I ought to be doing something else. Especialliest if someone else will be amused. Oh well, two out of three ain't so bad. I guess.

Details and Glaring Omissions Regarding My Upcoming "Cocktails with a Literary Twist"

I know this clearly needs some work, so please let me know what you think!! :-D

WARNING: If you are purist when it comes to cocktail parties, literature or food, this will probably give you seizures. You have been warned.

So here's the deal, 5 of us at church auctioned off this Cocktails with a Literary Twist party. I'd say we mostly tend toward being creative and overachievers. We all have little kids. Put all of that together and this is pretty much shaping up to be a Trainwreck's trainwreck. (But in that fun-happy-yummy kind of laugh-about-it-later way.) ;-)

Cocktails
Champagne cocktails (probably with Chambord) as guests arrive, but not sure yet.
Hemingway’s Daquiris
Cherry martinis (more on this later)

I need to figure out some more drink options!!! Our pooled liquor cabinets include tequila, dark rum, spiced rum, cointreau, anisette, dry vermouth, maraschino, Bacardi white rum, creme de cacao (white), Chambord, kirschwasser and bourbon. I know we need to get vodka and champagne for sure. The cherry part of the cherry drink is coming from cherry syrup. (It's made out of cherries & cane sugar and comes in a big glass bottle like Monin coffee syrups.)



Punny Food (Yeah, maybe we should have been a little *less* clever with some of these)

Valley of the Balls (Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann) – goat cheese with honey cheese ball, some sort of cheddar-based cheese ball, and Moroccan meat balls

Cracker in the Rye (Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger) -

Tortilla Flat (John Steinbeck) – (Some kind of quesadillas featuring some of the 20 pounds of cheese in my fridge. Ha, I should throw in some of the drawers full of onions too!)

A Small Good Thing (Raymond Carver) – bacon-wrapped something

Grapes of Wreath (Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck) – a wreath of grapes

Clockwork Orange (by Anthony Burgess) - Pretty much a clock of orange segments, don't know what she's going to make the hands out of.

We were thinking Vegetable Farm (Animal Farm by George Orwell), but yeah, I don't know how that's going to work out. Suggestions appreciated!!!

Heart of Darkness (by Joseph Conrad) - I originally wanted to do "Tart of Darkness", but that'd be a bitch to make (for me this week) and it's just wrong for a cocktail party. So, now I'm thinking brownie-type-thingie in a heart-shaped pan.


And then to go with this Akhamatova poem ...

He loved three things in life:
singing at vespers, white peacocks,
and worn-out maps of America.

He did not love tea with raspberries,
or feminine hysteria....
and I was his wife.


...we'll have tea with raspberry preserves, and I'm thinking I'll make some Russian Black Bread. I was hoping to do more, but it looks like this will be it. Oh, and there's kind of a line missing in this translation. See, I wasn't lying about the warning up top. ;-)


Oh, and I've been trying to come up with a Cherry Martini to go with A. E. Housman and Dorothy Parker.

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now... by A. E. Housman (1859-1936)

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.

Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.

Cherry White by Dorothy Parker
I never see that prettiest thing-
A cherry bough gone white with Spring-
But what I think, "How gay 'twould be
To hang me from a flowering tree."